Bruce's Blog | Do I Have a False Self? (part 3)

I never encountered the concept of the False Self while my False Self was still in control. I have no idea how I would take this list if I had seen it two years ago, or even a year ago. So I have no idea how you might take this list. I hope you can see what it can tell you. But I know that False Selves are there to protect your heart, and they know how to fight back against anything which will hurt the heart. I hope you don't fight, be on the side of your True Self.

This is edited and augmented from a deep and confusing website on curing the cyclic patterns of parents with False Self producing kids with False Selves, but it's a good list:

Common True Self Behavioral Traits

Common False Self Behavioral Traits

__ Alert, awake, aware

__ Generally "up" and "light," (mood)

__ Usually realistically optimistic

__ Focused, clear, and centered

__ Compassionate, kind, forgiving

__ Firm, strong, confidant, purposeful

__ Calm, serene, peaceful

__ Has a feeling of love when thinking of themselves as they are

__ Usually has a wide-angle, long-range focus - accepts delayed gratification

__ Balances long and short-term payoffs

__ Usually patient, persistent, committed

__ Appreciative, grateful, "glass half-full"

__ Empathic, sensitive, genuinely respectful

__ Spiritually open, aware, "connected," receptive, growing

__ Consistently self-nurturing without egotism

__ Genuine, honest, open, direct

__ Respectfully assertive

__ Socially engaged and active

__ Physically healthy: balanced diet, exercise, work and rest; gets preventive checkups

__ Spontaneously expressive of all emotions real-time, without major anxiety or guilt

__ Able to form genuine bonds with others

__ Able to judge who to dis/trust with what

__ Realistically self-responsible

__ Usually realistic about life and situations

__ Spontaneously able to exchange love

__ Comfortable receiving merited praise

__ Often able to forgive self and others

__ Usually feels lovable just as they are

__ Frequently maintains a two-person "awareness bubble"

__ Seldom gives double messages

__ Able to grieve losses spontaneously

__ Seeks Self-guided people and high-nurturance settings

__ Evolving and living a clear life purpose

__ Work, play, and rest are generally balanced

__ Fuzzy, distracted, confused, numb

__ Often "heavy," "down," gloomy, manic

__ Usually pessimistic or idealistic

__ Confused, vague, unable to stay focused

__ Blaming, critical, bigoted

__ Indecisive, worried, cautious, doubtful

__ "Upset," scared, angry, guilty, ashamed

__ Is given to self-agrandizing daydreams

__ Usually has a narrow, short-term focus

__ Usually seeks immediate gratification

__ Often impatient, impulsive, uncommitted

__ Bitter, jealous, resentful, "glass half empty"

__ Selfish, arrogant, disrespectful

__ Spiritually unaware, skeptical, closed, scornful, or uninterested

__ Consistently self-neglectful

__ Dishonest, indirect, sly, controlling

__ Timid and apologetic, or aggressive

__ Isolated or compulsively social

__ Physically unhealthy; relies on prescribed drugs or self-medication

__ Anxious, guilty, or blocked about feeling and/or expressing some or all emotions

__ Difficulty forming true (vs. pseudo) bonds

__ Difficulty discerning who to trust with what

__ Notably over- or under-responsible

__ Frequent distortions and denials

__ Difficulty giving and/or receiving real love

__ Uncomfortable receiving merited praise

__ Difficulty forgiving self and/or others

__ Usually feels the need to improve to be loved

__ Often focuses only on her/himself or a conversational partner - 1-person "bubble"

__ Often gives double messages

__ Difficulty grieving on one to three levels

__ Unconsciously prefers wounded people and low-nurturance settings

__ Unclear on or indifferent to a life purpose

__ Work, play, and rest are often unbalanced

This is not a list to grade, and you can't get a score from it. These are personality-trait pairs from which you can make a comparison.

You might also notice that many of these traits are being addressed by other ideas. For example, they are addressed by the idea of the Nice Guy Syndrome. They are central to the Branden's method of building self esteem. These are universal aspects of humanity, and all self-help guides will deal with them. I post these here because it's the only one that helped me access what my heart wanted, my True Self. Others worked, but it was always my False Self in control, trying to modify how it protected my heart. For me they were stepping stones to the True Self, but only by realizing the role of the False Self was I able to live.

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