It's a very strange thing, bringing a child true self back into life. Precociously intelligent, knowledgeable and hard working, but missing experiences of childhood and youth. Add all the personality of a false self to unlearn, and I'm left with the difficult job sorting my feelings. None of the feelings are new, but what I can do with them is changing. Anger, for example.

I used to suppress anger entirely, thinking (as I did as a child) it too dangerous to express except when alone. Now I can express anger, but I have no idea where it will go, or how much damage I'll do, or even a good way to express it. It's still a fear, destroying a relationship over something small. You see, I have no experience with being angry and having someone still love me. Maybe it happened when I was a very small child, but by the time I was in first grade I was wary of becoming angry and was swallowing emotion already.

I can express love, and I'm very grateful for that. But the "bad" emotions, anger, lust, power, self, the emotions I suppressed to become the low-maintenance child, I need to learn.